Oh relax mode, you filthy devil. How I want to embrace you, eat you up or just fold you into a little pint sized square and stick you in my pocket. Relax mode is a concept I never seem to embrace, it’s a semi tangible item I can’t seem to grasp and it’s an illusion in my world that I can’t seem to make a reality. It’s ridiculous, is what it is, really. I’ve been in “GO” mode since I slipped out of a vagina and into this world. Ask me what I’m doing on a Saturday and I will have this giant list that spans half the world. Occasionally, I will attempt relax mode, put on my favorite cut-off sweatpants and sit on the coach for roughly, 5 minutes, then I go into a full scale panic attack because I remembered there are cookies to be made and thirty loads of laundry upstairs. I thought once the BAA Half was over I would really enjoy meddling around in the nothing zone but that idea seemed too hairy for me, so I immediately signed up for another half marathon. I think part of my issue stems from a fear of getting just a little bit fat all over again. If I sit still, if I stop running, I will eat that entire package of organic, but still very fattening cookies and “the blurb” will consume me. As I’m writing this, I’m realizing these might be thoughts for a therapist. Anyways, I think it stems from my mother. She never stays in one place. I mean, seriously, there are curtains that need to be ironed and door jams that need to be scrubbed. No time for sitting.
Now, after hearing all of this, you can imagine my twisted, contorted, confused demeanor when my running bud asked me to do hot yoga. Then, add to that, the idea that you just sit still at the end of the class for like 10 minutes, without doing a damn thing. Can you just see my face? I bet you can. It looked something like a bowl of oatmeal with twenty toppings all mashed together like a 2 year old just had a fest with it. But, she has yet to steer me in a direction I don’t care for so I went with it. What’s the worst that could happen I thought? I fart out loud for the world to hear. (No worries, someone else in the class did that…..twice)
It ended up being great, even with the awkward sensations my body had, all tangled up for 90 minutes. I most likely looked like a complete idiot, I most likely showed all my inner thoughts through my very expressive facial expressions and I definitely rolled my eyes a few times at the girls with the perky boobs in the row before me but by the next day, I could feel my body in ways I haven’t in a long time. So, I have to figure, that 90 minutes did a lot of good. And when the instructor told us to just sit for 10 minutes and allow our bodies to sink into the floor, I did. Happily. It was quite the surprise. By minute #2, I had already realized that I was in a moment, virtually alone with myself, with no one to yell “MOM!!” or “JENNY, WHERE ARE THE PICKLES!”, no cell phone, no stress from work or running goals, nothing. I was just, alone with myself and an empty mind. It was fantastic. I’ve decided that I will return weekly, really just for that 10 minutes. I’m hoping that tiny baby steps into the world of relaxation, will eventually lead me to become a more relaxed person overall.
If you are a local person (as in Southern Maine), Greener Postures is a fantastic yoga studio. Check it out. They have locations in South Portland and West Falmouth. Loss of classes throughout the week as well to accommodate all schedules.