These are some of the questions I am asked on a regular basis:
Do you ever sleep?
How is it that you have every moment of every day scheduled?
How are you not a raging alcoholic by now? (The last one is more of a recent occurrence as I seem to be losing it more and more in public, when in fact, I barely drink these days)
I’m not sure if these questions are completely inquisitive in nature or sarcastic. I can never tell if the person asking is being a complete dick or just is genuinely interested in where I find the time everyday to get all the shit I do, done. At the same time, I can’t really imagine what it is that I do that seems so difficult or fascinating.
Growing up, everyone thought that I would never have children. I think my first declarative sentence was: “I hate kids and I am never having them.” I had all these plans to travel to far off places, cure AIDS, save a million trees and maybe hug a polar bear or two. In my mind, kids inhibited everything I wanted to do and at eight years old, I found that to be a real problem. But then I grew up and I softened over the years, enough to realize that kids eventually become your legacy and not having them means when I die, there is no one to give a shit about what I did in life. As a person who has terrible issues with mortality, I need the comfort of knowing someone will talk about me long after, even if it’s just: “Remember that time Mom flung that hot wooden spoon at my head with sauce all over it???” My husband and I decided on the magic number two, just enough kids that we felt fulfilled but also enough that we didn’t claw each other’s eyeballs out of our sockets. And I think that is what baffles people the most, how with two children do I run, blog, garden, keep chickens and bees as well keep a decently clean home, work almost full time now and manage to keep some magic going with the man of my dreams. And let’s not forget, put a fantastic dinner on the table every night right about the time Josh gets home from work every evening. Although tonight, he did in fact cook me dinner for a change, which was lovely.
There’s no secret formula. And there is no button that I can tell any of you to hit. When most women get married I feel like they forget, automatically who they are and what they were once about. Then, once those kids come out, it’s like they have had half of their brain removed. I have seen this with my own eyes. It’s a terrible thing. This woman who was once amazing and special now just wants to talk about diapers and toddler tantrums, she also looks like a frump and probably hasn’t brushed her hair in a year. You all have seen what I am talking about and you all have a friend who has fallen down this path. Who knows, it could be YOU! (Insert yikes face here) Hopefully, not.
To me, I would rather fill my life with a million things then live a dulled existence. My most prominent fear when I had children was that it would remove all the spice that formulates my personality. And, on top of children, I work with my husband, at a job that doesn’t use all the parts of my very highly skilled and trained brain, so I have to keep myself challenged or I’m convinced those parts will turn to mush. Beekeeping isn’t rocket science but it certainly is compelling and practicing the art of keeping bees keeps me thinking for sure. It also gives Josh and I something to chat about, which sometimes wanes when you stare at one another all day. All of these adventures I partake in really do help my marriage. Every man wants the girl he dated: the confident, young, charismatic girl that doesn’t talk about shitting their pants or what came out of their nose that morning. Keeping myself constantly focused on interesting things prevents him and I from becoming stagnant. When you have young kids, it’s easy to forget what you love about yourself and each other.
So, to answer your questions:
Yes, I sleep. I sleep every single night. I go to bed at a normal time, between 9:30 and 10 and I wake up between 4:45 to go spinning/running on Saturdays and 6 every other day. I feel tired most of the day and life because I spend most of my time taking care of kids and screaming at them when they act like fools. I think this is how all parents feel. I also spend a good part of my day laughing and smiling at how full my life is with beautiful things.
As far as scheduling, I’m busy. Most of my friends became accustomed to the Jenny that doesn’t work for a living but now I do. Some things have had to slide, other things I still focus on just as much. But, I’m busy. Really really busy. I’m hoping this success will mean a great future for us and our kids.
As I said before, I should drink more than I do. It’s a real problem I have to remedy. I’ll have to remind Josh to bring home 17 boxes of wine tonight. 😉
All you ladies (and gentleman) out there: don’t be afraid of adding more to your plate. These things make you interesting and balanced. I promise. You will work it out. Keep moving forward, allowing yourselves to develop. You will be a happier person for doing so.
Oh and Happy 4th of July everyone! Go do something AMAZING! Or, eat a dozen hotdogs. 😉